I was recently talking to a friend of mine, and this person indicated that certain things are released in themselves depending on whom they choose to be around. Not those exact words, but that is what I took from it.
Made me wonder, “what did I contribute to this person? In their life.
So in trying to wrap my mind around this question, I thought to myself, “I have to make sense of this, what could I likened this to? Then, it came to me…. a meal.
Friend “A” connects in an emotional way, Friend “B” connects in spiritual way, Friend “C” connects in a mental way – and so I went through the alphabet list… and found myself being likened to an appetizer or even dessert. .
Who doesn’t like dessert, right?
In a meal, you have your “appetizers” that start your meal. To hold you over until what you are really craving comes your way.
You start with your salad. Crispy, refreshing lettuce of all flavors, and croutons, preferably the garlic flavored, and a side of ranch dressing.
Then you have your main dish. Your cut of meat…. some prefer Porterhouse, T-bone Steak, Fillet Mignon. For this story, I will use Prime Rib. Whatever, the cut, that way its cooked, it completely overwhelms your sense of smell, as it arrives, and is placed before you. A sense of euphoria takes over, and makes you salivate as your eyes feast on the view before you, as you see it glistening with juice dripping down the sides of this tasty dish. You compliment your main dish with golden, fluffy, mashed potatoes dressed with melted butter with flowing rich brown gravy that seem to dance together to a beautiful waltz. Last but not least, your vegetables. Crispy, beautiful, orange carrots, green asparagus, so rich in color that you can’t wait to sink your teeth into.
Mmmmmm…. You’ve had your fill. You push your plate away, and sometimes, you leave room for dessert. Which is just enough to complete this decadent meal.
Back to dessert, I mentioned earlier, I am either the salad with croutons and a side of ranch dressing, or… I am the delicious cheesecake you ordered as a closure to your meal. I would normally be content, except… I am not. With my own placement, of me… in my own life.
What do I contribute to myself?
I had been the “Prime Rib” (pun intended) at one time. Someone took the time to look at a menu and made a choice. But from placing the order to receiving it, He changed his mind. Regret set it, and this led to hurt and pain, I didn’t deserve.
Pushed away, until I began to emotionally, and mentally rot, and eventually be thrown out.
What a disappointment I had become. Took ten years to finally remove myself from the “dinning table”, with my head hung in deep remorse that I had not been my best. I had all my life looked forward to being that important part of someone’s life, the best wife I could be, only to be brought to a very harsh reality, that I wasn’t.
In trying to make sense of my place in my friend’s life, I began to see the parallelism, and I came to realize, I have changed. I used to feel, that I was only worth whatever placement I was given…IN MY OWN LIFE.
Being displaced previously, I believed I was only the salad with croutons and ranch dressing. I didn’t think I could ever measure up again, to ever being the main course, the “Prime Rib”, if you will.
At the closure of that initial disappointment, I was given some closure: “You are an amazing person, I am sorry I treated you the way I did, you deserved better.” Even though, I believe it was to wash his hands. It still brought closure to my heart, and mind. I went over details in my mind, of things I said, things I did, things I didn’t do – “had I done this, or done that, or been this, or been more that…” But, I realized, it wasn’t me, and I won’t let it be me any longer.
It’s taken me TWENTY years………. to come to this realization.
Not everyone wants salad, not everyone wants Prime Rib, not everyone wants dessert either. And that’s okay. So whatever someone sees me in their life as being, great. I may be someones “soup that comforts on a cold day, or “a crisp refreshing salad on a summer day” or even dessert – at any given second of the day…. I will however never cease to be the best me.
But, as for me, in my life….. I am Prime Rib.